I am exhausted. I have spent the day getting caught up on chores, that I only got half way done with, I still have not started on Christmas projects, although I did put up a few Christmas decorations, including a sad two foot artificial tree, I always get a real one, it is pathetic, but still somewhat festive. I am fighting depression, some days it gets away with me and I give in, other days I fight it off, with Wesley's help and phone calls. I am working a lot of hours, I am overdue on maintenance on my jeep, and it needed new tires too, and in December, it is eating up all my Christmas money. I am taking a ski vacation with the kids in New Mexico, so everyone is making Christmas a little scaled back to have vacation money. But, it is incredibly difficult that it is December 7 and I have not bought one single solitary thing for Christmas. Payday is Thursday, but again, all the extra money will go to the jeep, and bills. I am not sure what, if anything will be left. When I start trying to add it in my head I start getting overwhelmed and getting upset. I am sure when my children read this they will all say the same thing, no worries mom, we are just glad to all be together, they are awesome that way.
I have some surprises that I hope to get done, might have some Jessica help, but if it doesn't come along everyone will understand. Most of us are broke for one reason or another. But its Christmas, and its my tradition to overdo it. lol. I keep praying that God will help me through this lesson. I have had broke Christmases as a child, I was fine. But as an adult, I have always gone overboard and crazy, we love Christmas. But Christmas is NOT about the stuff. We all know that, but the love behind the stuff. And I wouldn't care one bit if I did not get anything from anyone, well, except that one special thing from hubby. Don't be crass, I mean that he is wearing, right now, a new t-shirt, decorated with messages of love....getting his scent all over it. Yes, for Christmas, my most precious present will be a smelly t-shirt from my husband. Oh, it won't stink, but, as you have maybe seen someone smell a worn shirt when they are missing a loved one, I so miss his smell, its comfort. It is incubating as we speak. I am very excited.
I did get some interesting news at work. I was offered a job. A straight 8-5 M-F, no holidays or weekends, kind of job. I officially interview this week, hopefully tomorrow. I am afraid I may not be able to meet my current pay, especially when times are tough, I can always pick up a shift for overtime. I will no longer be able to do that, or I am exempt from it, I no longer get paid for working overtime. It is for a new program, so there will be overtime getting it started, but probably not excessive.
Back to Christmas...Wesley and I usually watch "Love Actually" every week, some times twice a week, it is our tradition together. I did not make it through the intro without crying, I tried three times, so I am not going to do it. I am miserable without him here. Our life does not work without him. Isaac is down too. I chewed his butt out for his drop in grades, he was grumpy, but went up stairs, spent all night and further getting caught up with stuff and finishing a project. The next few days he got his work done sitting with me after I got home, I got home early this week since I am working in a clinic for the week. Regular hours, it seems, made a difference to having me home with him. I had not realized that working and not getting home til 8 pm. was giving him a bit of a challenge. New job would be good for that too, will just have to pray and see how salary negotiations go, after the interview, of course.
Well, I have procrastinated on the Christmas projects enough, better get back to it. Keeping my head up, for today anyways. Keep yours up too, it can be overwhelming. Everybody has life issues, but remembering that friends and family are a text away, or call, or if I am not really wanting to talk, I can get on Facebook and just read about how everyone else is doing. It usually picks me up. And, I have mentioned before, do something for someone else. Giving time, money, thoughtful gestures to another takes your mind of your own troubles, and allows God to work through you.
God bless.
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