Locked Apart: "Jailhouse Ink". by Wesley

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

"Jailhouse Ink". by Wesley

10/16/2014

The second I get out of here, I am flying directly to LA, or Miami, or New York to pitch the most amazing reality show. It will be "Miami Ink" meets "County Jail". We will call it "Jailhouse Ink" or "Rorshach Tats" but the theme is simple. It will follow the trials and tribulations of the jailhouse tattoo artist and will highlight their work.

Those pansies on the current crop of shows with their equipment and talent will pale in comparison.
The don't even have much to fear from Hepatitis A-D!

The diseases, the lack of equipment, the (illegality!), are all compelling, but once the show focuses on the work the show's star quality will shine. Walking the cells, halls, and "yards" of any correctional facility will reveal tattoo work that is so colossally bad, so cringe inducing, you would think the tattoos were the punishment.

I see this guy regularly that has a faceful of tattoos. He's about 19 or so, and looks hardened. His tats look like a child drew them on his face with a pen. There are chains and hearts and the occasional treble clef and musical note. He has one that says, "Hug Life" upon first glance until you notice the misshapen "T" in the background.

I prefer "hug Life". Makes me think the kid has just gotten a raw deal; he's just misunderstood. How could you lock up someone that invested in the "Hug Life"?

I will not even address the myriad swastikas, "SS" designations, and other symbology. I wonder whether other dead genocidal maniacs are envious of the uushy (?), nostalgic treatment the 3rd Reich receives in American jails. How come Joe Stalin doesn't have a crew running around with a Hammer and Sickle stamped on their chest? Where are Pol Pot's boyz?

The "Aryan" iconography extends beyond the 3rd Reich. Some have extended it to Northern European gods, gremlins and such. One of my neighbors has what appears to be an Ewok with horns on his arm. This not so fierce tattoo has sharp teeth and claws, but how scary is an Ewok?

It's probably not an Ewok, of course, but damn, it looks like one to a guy my age.

Quick question: What's worse?
a)Jar Jar Binks and all of his kind
b)Ewoks
c)nothing is worse than A&B

This is just the beginning of the show I have planned. Ordinary reality show drama will pale in comparison to the drama in here. "Artists" being sent to segregation just for their art will add an element of Artistic suppression that will make this show a sure fire hit- and never mind the everyday beatings and shankings.

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Helpful hints about MONTGOMERY COUNTY JAIL

NEW UPDATED INFO ON HOW TO LOWER YOUR COST FOR CALLS THROUGH GLOBAL TEL LINK! READ IMPORTANT UPDATE TO FCC LAW ON "BEATING GLOBAL TEL LINK" BLOG
PHONE CALLS: are expensive. 3 options. When they call, you can choose to get a 15 minute call, directly charged to your cell phone provider. it is $10.47, includes taxes and fees. You do not get money back if call is cut short by your or inmate. You are only allowed 9-10 of these per month, $100 max. You can get around this by calling another phone, including on the same cell service. 2. Prepaid. Global Tel Link charges $3.85 for the first minute and $.35 each minute after. You can have up to a 30 minute call, there is also taxes and fees, another 2-3 dollars. When you charge your credit card they add a $6.95 service fee, no matter how much you put on the account. 3) You can pay with a credit card, when they call, $14.99, plus taxes and fees, about another $2, they will save your credit card info. if you okay it and it is easier to accept call next time. 4) Inmate can buy phone cards, $10, and is charged at the $3.85 first minute, $.35 minute after, + taxes and fees. If there is money left on it, you can't use it, so it ends up being wasted. Supposedly you can call and get it refunded, or put onto another card, but how, they have to mail it to you?
You can keep your white underwear you come in with, this means boxers/panties, t-shirts, and socks. You have to wash them by hand, but at least you don't have to wait, or buy them from commissary. Wesley went in wearing three pairs of each, yeah, it is what you are wearing!
Men are housed on the right of main building, there is A,B,C and pods. You can go to main building and find out where they are or look at roster online, or ask inmate, if they call. Women are around on left, I assume they are similarly housed.
Do not come to visitation wearing tanks, shorts or see through, or low cut shirts. You will be turned away. See details in the link above.
No medications are given unless inmate has current prescription.
Visitation is Sat/Sun, with a make-up day on Monday. Hours depend on the first letter of last name. See link.
Mail, see link, it has the address. You must know inmates PIN, and cell location. You can also get that by looking them up on the roster. They may receive books from book company, like Amazon. Also, the newspaper, if it is mailed.
Commissary is twice a week and expensive. You will at least need basic toiletries, nothing is free. There is 3 ways for family/friends to put money on account for inmate. 1.) Kiosk in main building. Service fee is $3, no matter how much you put on. This is the cheapest way. You can charge to a credit card at the same kiosk, but service fee is sliding scale, depending on how much you put on. 2.) Telephone service to put money on, same service fees as the credit card. 3.) Online. You must know inmate PIN number. You can get this by going onto Montgomery County Jail roster, look them up by their name, their ID number is there. You can also call the office, and they will tell you.
It is cold. If you know you are going in, dress warm, til you get your prison stripes, also wear undershirts.