Wesley and I started dating. He was very cautious with us going out, since the divorce was not final. He also seemed to still be holding back. I didn't push him. He, in his last relationship, been horribly verbally and emotionally abused. I had no idea, yet, of how much. So we went out here and there, but he still seem reluctant to throw himself into this relationship, in fact telling me he didn't want to call me a girlfriend. I was patient, and confident in my feelings. He had, several times, in vulnerable moments, told me he loved me, but now seemed very protective of his heart. One day, after spending a day with his friends in Houston, he called, told me he had really missed me. He said he realized how much time we had been spending together and realized he would rather be spending time with me. I felt hopeful that he would learn to trust and care for me more, as his own heart healed from the past.
He introduced me to his sister and she seemed to like me. One day a friend of hers wanted to go out with Wesley and I, we were going out dancing. I made sure she had a good time, pulling her to the dance floor, having fun, being silly. At the end of the night he looked me in the eyes and said, I think I want to marry you. You are genuinely sweet. I smiled and said I had been telling him that. Things changed after that. He was warm, open, and around whenever I was home. The following week, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes, it was about time.
A couple weeks later he told me his probation officer had tried to call him, he had missed her call the day before. He told me this was bad. I didn't understand, but soon learned, that meant he missed a urine drug screen. She called him in and took him into custody. The judge, Judge Michael Mayes, believed him to be on drugs. Missing a random drug test is the same as testing positive. Here is where things got complicated. Wesley's ex had accused him of choking her. He was arrested for choking, which is a felony. He felt, being a Mexican-American, she a blond Caucasian, that he was not even listened to, but charged and thrown into jail. That charge made him a potential violent offender. He was put in county jail with violent offenders. He didn't belong. He said there is an electricity in the air, the racial driven groupings, like you never know when its going to strike. He kept his head down and quiet. He, being an attorney, even disbarred, was able to help several inmates write motions, and tried to be helpful, others seemed to appreciate him, and he liked being useful.
Wesley refused to plead guilty to the choking charge, I don't blame him, he was innocent. Even his evil ex-girlfriend said no way he would have hit anyone, if he hadn't hit her, she was a total bitch. I know Wesley had no temper, never angry, and always a gentleman. I helped him prepare for the grand jury, pouring through emails and texts to show the lies the ex had told. The judge left Wesley in jail, and even tried to tell him he should go ahead and plead guilty and get on with it. Wesley said no. The judge finally told Wesley that he should go into the S.A.F.P. program, he wasn't letting him out. They had already filed a motion to revoke his probation, Wesley agreed. The next day, Denton County drops the felony choking charge and Wesley gets put on the list to go to S.A.F.P. During this time, we realized Wesley would not being coming home for a year. We wanted to get married, I wanted him to go to rehab knowing his wife was behind him, every step of the way. He had been been beaten and shit on his whole adult life, save one nice ex-wife, and I wanted him to have the security and love of a wife that loved him to death and thought the world of him. His sister Jenny stood in for him and his sister Geri was a witness. The lovely judge Edie Connelly did the ceremony. We had hoped for a call to have him there over the speaker phone, but the jail went on lock down. He calls the next day and asked if we were married, I, of course, said yes.
Substance Abuse Felony Program, a Texas Department of Corrections program, is a last ditch effort for those with alcohol or drug abuse problems. It is on prison grounds, prison uniforms, etc., but they are in an intense rehab program. Here is some general information about it. It was a wonderful program, but inmates will get out of it what they put in. My husband and I grew immensely closer during this time. Judge Michael Mayes is in charge of the program for Montgomery County, in Texas, it is a passion of his, and for the most part, is a good program. If anyone has question about that specifically, please post and I will reply asap. I drove over 200 miles one way, every weekend, to see my husband and support him in this program. Most people can not afford the time or money to do this, but I felt it was important for us.
http://www.co.guadalupe.tx.us/guadalupe2010/home.php?content=CSCD/faqs#c6
I could spend awhile here, S.A.F.P. was a good thing.
After S.A.F.P. came the half way house, a useless, crappy place. Maybe for real TDC folks, but there was a lot of drugs and things going on there, Wesley couldn't wait to get out. We slowly worked into a routine, Wesley threw himself into the after SAFP program, his new probation officer was on speed dial, and they talked regularly, sometimes every day. Wesley considered her a friend. She later took a job in a county closer to her home, and another took her place. They didn't have the after program to bond them, and Wesley lost a key person to his staying out of trouble. I consider it a big reason for the mistake that brought us here. Tracey was a good friend, and mentor. Truthful and tough. Wesley needed that. When Wesley let her know he had gotten another DWI, after me, he thought of her, and Judge Mayes, that he had let them down. He wrote her in an email that he apologized for letting her down. She wrote that she knew how hard he had worked and thought that maybe the judge would let him continue on probation. Of course there will be jail time from him too, not to mention what will happen with the judge in Harris County. But for now, we wait.
It has been about two years since being out of S.A.F.P., one year since being released in the after program. In the ceremony, those who make it through the 9 months in prison, and the 9 month after program, is very few, but I remember Wesley in County Jail before, and how he was at that moment, he was changed, I was changed, and we appreciated the effort of Judge Mayes and Tracey. I imagine their success rate was higher. I believe the effort of Tracey to stay in contact with her probationers in the day to day of life, when people were likely to struggle with triggers and life. Tracey would always answer her phone, she was awesome. Judge Mayes would take special interest in folks and issues and was also trying to do small things to help a person recovering with things they needed. Would go eat where someone worked as a cook, or get a bike for someone riding it to work, I appreciated that he was thoughtful to some, he tried to help those who were helping themselves and walking the walk. I am going to send this to Wesley. I am sure I don't have all the facts straight, and he can help along the ways. He will be sending me his written blog posts that will be unedited. He is currently in Montgomery County Jail, a warrant was issued when Wesley told his probation officer he was arrested for DWI in Harris County. I will get to that day tomorrow.
Today's tip. In trying to have more affordable calls, I looked into something called Jailpay....total scam if you are calling a local jail. Basically they are selling you a local number so you don't get long distances charges, which on a cell phone you don't get anyways. Your local jail usually only has one provider, you have to use them, and you have to pay their ridiculous charges, or just not talk. Currently, Montgomery County used Global Tel Link, and they are charging $3.85 for the first minute, and .35¢ each minute after that, there is a 15 minute limit. Inmates can buy a $10 card from commissary, with no service fee, but several dollars end up not being used because it tells you there is not enough funds for a call and it goes to waste. If you use a credit card to put money on the account you get charged $6.95 every time you charge it up. So if you only put $25 on the account, the first call cost $6.95 service fee, $3.85 for the first minute and $4.90 for the other 14 minutes. Total $15.70. Hmm, I did this the first day Wesley called on an automated system. The next day when he called it wanted more money on the account, I called and they said there was only .77¢ left. I just did the math and it was $15.70, the bastards lied!! Get used to this, everything is expensive, and nobody gives a shit about the inmates, except the families, and a lot of them don't either. Wesley is rare, he is much loved, and cared for, and he will receive letters every day, and I never miss a visitation. Hug your loved ones, life sucks and sometimes things happen to take them away. Talk to you tomorrow.
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