Being locked apart. by Wesley

8/22/2014

"For me, the hardest part of being in jail is missing my wife.   We are best friends.  Of course, most people say that about their spouses, but we truly are.  We do everything together.  We share inside jokes that mystify others as we giggle.  We are always touching, (like home base), when something happens, she is my first call.

Many of my brethren in here immediately cut off contact with romantic relationships once they arrive in jail. Many of them feel that it is not worth worrying about whether their significant other is being faithful; rather than worry about it, they just say, "good bye".

I can understand that sentiment, and the thought has crossed my mind, if only briefly.  It isn't easy admitting that you need someone, especially when you are locked apart.  But I  need my wife to help me feel normal.  I need her to help me feel that I am not society's refuse- that I have value, if only to her.

As I was writing this entry, I had a picture of my wife on the stainless steel table upon which I am writing.  An inmate passed by and asked if that was my "ol' lady."?  I said, "yes, she is my wife" He said, "Don't torture yourself like that."

I don't consider it torture, it is inspiration.  A photo captures a moment in time and I can feel the joy that I felt in that moment.  It inspires me and lifts me up-no matter how low my spirits.  Gives me hope.

Unfortunately, hope is too often lost once the door rolls behind us.  We shut people out before they can betray us.  I guess, we don't give them a chance.  I won't give up on my wife.  She is my past, my present, and I will do my part to make sure she's my future.  It's all the normal I get around here.