Our story, part 1

My story may not be so unusual. I have been a bit sheltered in my life, and learning the hard way that when you love someone, part of your life is their journey.  I met my husband when I posted a poem on Craigslist...yeah, Craigslist. Its not what you think. I was living in Houston, miserable and depressed in a 25 year marriage. Children were mostly grown and gone. I was so lonely...the problems of that marriage were long and complicated, but I was done. The guilt and shame of being a christian, mother of six and wanting a divorce weighed on me heavily.  I started writing poetry, desperate to deal with the waves of emotion.  I posted it in the missed connection section of Craigslist, in Dallas. I lived in Houston, and was throwing to the wind. I received several responses but started an email friendship with my husband.  He was witty, smart, sexy and there was a passion in his eyes that I had always wanted, for myself, and in my mate.  We began a love affair.  After much guilt, and terrible depression we quit communications and reconnected once we had both ended our previous relationships. There is so much more to that story, but for the purposes of this blog, we will keep it short. I may hit on it at a later date.

When we were apart I had kept up with Wesley's progress had been arrested for a DWI 3rd offense in January 2010, I could see that he was disbarred June of that year. I knew he was probably hurting from that, from the distance I prayed that he was okay.  I get an email out of the blue November of that year, asking me how I was doing. I answered back. I was trying to get my ex-husband to move out, I had already filed for divorce.  I was glad to hear from him. He was still sexy as ever, sweet and smart,  but there was a darkness there, I could not put my hand on. I could tell there was a dark cloud over his head, but I didn't want to push him, instead, I figured he would share with me when he was ready.  He hadn't contacted me in awhile, so I googled his name and found he had been taken into custody by Montgomery County Sheriffs Jail. There was a MTR, which is motion to revoke his probation. I didn't understand or know what was going on. I was not separated yet and knew I should wait to talk to him. I was in love. I remember sitting in my bedroom crying, wondering what was wrong with me. I was in love with a man in jail!! My daughter, bless her heart, comes in and sees me crying and I told her why.  I had to see him, so I went to the next visitation.  His face fell, he was shocked and embarrassed. He asked me what I was doing there. I told him that I had to see how he was doing. He wouldn't look me in the eye.  I told him I loved him and promised to write. 

After going to marriage counseling with my husband, I felt guilty, the christian, mother of six guilt hit, I thought I should try again.  I told my daughter my horrible guilt of Wesley in jail, alone, no one caring for him.  I was conflicted.  I wrote Wesley a letter that I was going to try a last time on my marriage. I cried on my daughter's shoulder, no mother should ever put her daughter in that position, but I was beside myself with grief. I had not been in love with her dad for a long time, and I don't believe he was in love with me, but we had been married for 25 years, it was expected.  She told me she would write Wesley while he was in jail. I remember, I was so desperate to make sure he had someone care for him, write him, that I put my poor daughter in a weird position. She is tender-hearted, like me, and seeing me cry, and hearing of this person alone, she did an extraordinary thing.  A few weeks later, I knew the marriage was done and it was time to be brave and move on.  Wesley got out of jail, I had no idea at that time why, but would learn later.  I tried to reconnect with Wesley, but he was distant or didn't answer.  I finally sat crying again, I actually cried every day in those days, grieving for the marriage ending, and making peace with my mistakes. My oldest daughter, Sarah, again, who knew everything finds me, I tell her, he won't talk to me or see me, I love him, I am a fool, he doesn't want me, what is wrong with me.  He answers me later that day with, "it will be alright, we will talk soon, but we need to move slow."  I found out later that my daughter had written him and asked him, during my time that I was trying to reconcile with her dad, for him to not contact me and let me go.  He had kept his promise, until he got a message from her telling him it was okay, she could tell I was in love with him and things were not going to be reconciled between me and her dad.  To this day, I regret putting my daughter in that position, kids are not meant to be the adult, even if they are one. 

So in April of 2012, after the ex-husband would not move out, our youngest son and I moved into a home about a mile away and Wesley and I started quietly dating.