Locked Apart: Battle of Texas. By Wesley

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Battle of Texas. By Wesley

10/5/2014

For a week it was all the talk. Everyone in this human zoo exhibit was expected to take sides in the approaching clash. You supported one or the other. Black or white, good or evil, there was no neutral.

The game: Texans vs. Cowboys. The NFL battle of Texas.

It's beyond debate that Houston is the superior city in every conceivable way. Houston is awesome. The museum district, the theater district, the lack of winter, the food scene, the lack of people from Dallas, nevermind The Astros, Rockets and the Mighty Houston Cougars, all are factors in why the city of Houston is awesome!

Also, Dallas blows. Everything about Dallas blows. The fact that my ex-wife lives there alone makes me cheer for the Ebola virus. Don't get me started on the douche bag dudes, the bimbo blonds, The Mavericks, the Texas Rangers, the existence of Fort Worth, the proximity to Oklahoma, and the gall of the city to think they are better than Houston, namesake of the former President of the Republic and hero of the war of Independence.

When it comes to NFL football however, due to an accident of childhood geography, I am an ardent supporter of the Mighty Dallas Cowboys! I have tried to support the Texans, but I cannot. I managed to cheer for them in 2013 when Case Keenum (former QB of my Alma Mater) played for them, but when he was gone, so was I.

But Montgomery County is in the Houston area, so in this tank, there were 2 Cowboys fans and 22 people that wanted to kill us.

By game time, there was as much testosterone in here as a monster truck rally. Insults were hurled, bets made, and the game began.

There was agony, screaming, prayers, threats, promises, rebukes, curses, guarantees, lamentations, and MORE ARE CHAIR QUARTERBACKING than you can imagine (or stomach) before halftime.

Every single play was analyzed and critiqued by a panel of felons. Every single man who once played Junior high school football (and had a shot at the pros, except for that damn injury!) explained how they could do it better.

When the Cowboys won the game in overtime, the crowd fell silent except for one person who loudly reminded everyone that he had told them so! That was me! and damn, I made a killing! I won a coke, M&M's (peanut! I'm naming the 1st one "Cornelius Pumpernickle"), 2 soups, 2 bags of coffee, and 500 push ups which had to be interspersed with exclamations of "Tony Romo did this to me!".

I'm jail house rich today. SUCK IT TEXANS!!!!!

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Helpful hints about MONTGOMERY COUNTY JAIL

NEW UPDATED INFO ON HOW TO LOWER YOUR COST FOR CALLS THROUGH GLOBAL TEL LINK! READ IMPORTANT UPDATE TO FCC LAW ON "BEATING GLOBAL TEL LINK" BLOG
PHONE CALLS: are expensive. 3 options. When they call, you can choose to get a 15 minute call, directly charged to your cell phone provider. it is $10.47, includes taxes and fees. You do not get money back if call is cut short by your or inmate. You are only allowed 9-10 of these per month, $100 max. You can get around this by calling another phone, including on the same cell service. 2. Prepaid. Global Tel Link charges $3.85 for the first minute and $.35 each minute after. You can have up to a 30 minute call, there is also taxes and fees, another 2-3 dollars. When you charge your credit card they add a $6.95 service fee, no matter how much you put on the account. 3) You can pay with a credit card, when they call, $14.99, plus taxes and fees, about another $2, they will save your credit card info. if you okay it and it is easier to accept call next time. 4) Inmate can buy phone cards, $10, and is charged at the $3.85 first minute, $.35 minute after, + taxes and fees. If there is money left on it, you can't use it, so it ends up being wasted. Supposedly you can call and get it refunded, or put onto another card, but how, they have to mail it to you?
You can keep your white underwear you come in with, this means boxers/panties, t-shirts, and socks. You have to wash them by hand, but at least you don't have to wait, or buy them from commissary. Wesley went in wearing three pairs of each, yeah, it is what you are wearing!
Men are housed on the right of main building, there is A,B,C and pods. You can go to main building and find out where they are or look at roster online, or ask inmate, if they call. Women are around on left, I assume they are similarly housed.
Do not come to visitation wearing tanks, shorts or see through, or low cut shirts. You will be turned away. See details in the link above.
No medications are given unless inmate has current prescription.
Visitation is Sat/Sun, with a make-up day on Monday. Hours depend on the first letter of last name. See link.
Mail, see link, it has the address. You must know inmates PIN, and cell location. You can also get that by looking them up on the roster. They may receive books from book company, like Amazon. Also, the newspaper, if it is mailed.
Commissary is twice a week and expensive. You will at least need basic toiletries, nothing is free. There is 3 ways for family/friends to put money on account for inmate. 1.) Kiosk in main building. Service fee is $3, no matter how much you put on. This is the cheapest way. You can charge to a credit card at the same kiosk, but service fee is sliding scale, depending on how much you put on. 2.) Telephone service to put money on, same service fees as the credit card. 3.) Online. You must know inmate PIN number. You can get this by going onto Montgomery County Jail roster, look them up by their name, their ID number is there. You can also call the office, and they will tell you.
It is cold. If you know you are going in, dress warm, til you get your prison stripes, also wear undershirts.